theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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