my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
