Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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