singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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