I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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