I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
