You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
