I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's like heaven, but drunker
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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