cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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