I am in a vortex of obligation.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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