I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
