you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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