If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
