Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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