She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize