new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
