Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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