East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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