How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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