I think im going to throw up on grandma
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
