I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
