Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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