i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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