Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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