I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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