so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
