Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
