I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
