I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I believe in your delicious
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize