Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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