I want to have your abortion
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
