i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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