He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize