Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
