I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can I color on your dick again?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
