airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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