Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize