I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
