i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
