i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
