u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
only if we run a train.
done.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You made out with two different species that night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
