I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
