if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
