What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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