she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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