see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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