he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
