I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize