I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he fucked my hip out of place.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
