so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
