I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
