Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
