The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
