we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
