he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
