You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
