so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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