His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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