Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
