how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
