This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
