I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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