My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my being single is dangerous.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize