Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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