I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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