Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
