i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize