Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
