I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
