Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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