well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
