I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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