2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
