He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize