You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
