i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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