I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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