my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
