At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
