I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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