This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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