There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
