yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
