dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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