i can't believe i had my finger in that
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
try to milk me bitch
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