he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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