names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
