I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I currently don't understand fingers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
