Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
