I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
