That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize