he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't put those talents on a resume
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was not drunk enough for that final.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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