How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
